My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize