Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
