I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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