i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can't motorboat a personality
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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