Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
