Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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