I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was CRYING into my vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
