I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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