And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
