After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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