and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
