My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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