as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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