If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
