I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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