I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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