So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
