so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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