So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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