Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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