cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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