Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
