turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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