But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
