I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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