Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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