i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
