tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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