Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
