i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
