dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
