I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
