We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
