went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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