i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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