Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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