Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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