I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
