Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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