Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
