Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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