Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
