The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i dont even know how to be here
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
