woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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