This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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