i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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