Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
