dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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