Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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