??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How does one acquire holy water?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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