I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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