I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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