The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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