i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
