I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
