I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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