Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
