just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
