i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
