kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
