I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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