I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dating After Heartbreak
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.