it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out