but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms