She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.