I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.