So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.