Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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